Funeral Freak

Am I the only one thinking about my funeral every once in a while? Thinking about what music to be played, what I want to do with the body (cremation) and where I want the ashes to be scattered? As young girls, we were supposed to think about the perfect wedding and the dream dress, but not me - I thought about my funeral. Is it about now I should pop a blue pill and declare myself mentally instable? Thinking about marriage has just never seemed natural, and I'm still not sure if I'll ever want to be married. Is that odd? Oh well.

I can sit imagining what it would be like supervising my own funeral - to see what people say about me as they cry. Well.., I don't know if they'll cry, but (with risk of sounding imposturous) hopefully they will.

And one more thing before I'll lie down in the sun (<3), I want happy-music to be played in my funeral - or at least some song that meant something to me while I lived! I want to be celebrated, not grieved, jehhsusssh. Why is it that at funerals, they always put on a tear-jerking hymn or something of the kind which hardly no one (probably not the deceased one either) has ever heard. Makes. No. Sense. Well, I guess that's one of life's big mysteries.


Song of the day: You and Me by Plain White T's.

(Sorry about absolutely no pictures, but this computer is weird. Peace out.)


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Upward over the mountain

When I was little, I used to have flying dreams, in which I flew around in the world, looking down upon things I knew to be important in my life like little pinpoints on a green fabric as I soared by. They seemed so insignificant in some ways. I loved those dreams, and hate it that I no longer have them. They say you have dreams of flying when you're growing, and hopefully (!!!) I won't get any taller. Heh.. But at the same time, that means that I might never have a dream like that again! Nowadays I only have odd dreams of whales tearing islands apart and weird babies with detachable heads with beards. I want my flying abilities back!

In those dreams I always stood on a long grass field (or a swamp [ewww]) and had to run all I could muster and jump up into the air with my arms stretched wide out. Not always did I manage to fly on the first try - it sucked when I ended up smothered into the grass or even worse, head-first into swamp-land. But then came the times when my arms seemed to conquer the air and swoosh, I went.

Picture by alex!
(click the picture to get to his blog)


Song of the day: Upward Over the Mountain by Iron & Wine

Perhaps one day I'll grow a quarter of an inch and I'll fly again? You'll see me waving from the sky!

Did/Do you have similar dreams?
They're great, right?

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Future living

How is it that we all live for the future?

-When I achieve this or that, THEN I'll be happy. I look forward to [insert plans] because it's gonna be fantastic! I catch myself doing it every day! This year, I've been looking forward to prom, then the 17th of may, and now it's summer and US exchange.

Always must we look ahead and have this carrot hanging in front of us like a herded donkey - will we really not move ahead without knowing that the future will be somewhat better than the presence? Why are we so rarely happy with what we've got now? Why must we always achieve more or be someplace else to find happiness? I want as much as possible to live for each day, karpe diem, live for the moments in between scheduled plans. What if I get run over by a truck tomorrow (hypothetically, ofc) then what difference will bloody summer matter to me? I'll never experience it, but yesterday, that I experienced. And if I made the best out of it, then isn't that in the end better than living for the moments to come? And as I've said about planning.., planning leads to over analyzing, and sky high expectations. Aren't those expectations often hard to fill?



Everything isn't about being perfect. That would drive any mind insane. What I'm trying to say (probably not succeeding) is, live in the presence, not for what is to come later. Agree?

Okay, that's enough from me ... xp

Song of the day: Moi Je Joue by Brigitte Bardot.

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Because Bunad Rocks.

the 17th of may is the best day in the world! Sunny (almost always), ice cream (as much as your tummy can handle), cheery people, flags, green trees, russ, music, friends, great food, flowers, laughter and bunad. Everyone looks so dressed up and nice in a bunad (except moi), and I felt like throwing in some pictures of my day!


Mari


Our beautiful flag


Veronica


Mari

I had a great 17th of may considered the circumstances.. ehe. I spent a lot of time with friends and cheered the russ on on their last day (they looked tired enough to be able to sleep through summer). I must say, I miss the russ! Their red oversized and scribbled pants and the coats (although the coats are a little outdated - my opinion)

One more thing before I'll give my laptop a rest. Why aren't there more guys wearing bunad? It is like... the best looking outfit for a guy! Open up your eyes, dudes!

Song of the day: ja vi elsker dette landet by ......?

(Because we do love this country! At least I do ^^)

How was your 17th of may?
What's your favorite day a year?
What kind of bunad do you have?


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Harmony

This is where you could find me today - at least for a short while before my dad shooed me inside, insisting I would get even sicker if I stayed outside. "But it's sunny," I told him, but he would hear nothing of it. Oh well, parents are right some times..., right? I've been sick for what feels like ages. It's been four days. But still. AGES.

However, the time I spent in the sun was ... ahhhh, harmonic! I had my guitar, some fresh apples, cold water, music, a pen and some blank sheets - it all wrapped up in a hot and sunny day. What more might one want? I get so inspired by sitting outside!



I love summer.
Not particulary "pro" images, but still, I like them, because I love the mood they bring ^^


Song of the day: Shine on by the Kooks.

Longer post tomorrow, for those who care. Høhøh.

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Guitar Newbie

I am going to learn how to play the guitar. Finally! I've always pushed the instrument aside, blaming my lack of skills on my lack of musicality. Well, I don't think that's a propper reason at all. I will learn it, so I can play as I sing! The first song I'll learn is naked as we came by iron and wine, because it's a beautiful song and because the band means so much to me. If I was in any position to do so, I'd give them the award for the awesomest band in the world. And I want to thank Mari for helping nagging and annoying me with an untuned guitar named Bjarne (tuned after Mari was finished with it) to try to memorize some of the chords. Well.., I guess I'll have to work some more on this ( a lot)! Wish me luck!




Song of the day(as it has been before) : Naked as We Came by Iron and Wine.

Do you play the guitar?

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This and That.

Wow, as I read through the stuff I've posted, I realize that I've changed the writing style quite a lot! Before I wrote about the most random stuff(still do) but I feel like I'm writing about more serious subjects now than I did before. What do you think? Good or bad? Keep the change or go back to "randomized"?




I guess I write about more serious subjects now than before because I've begun to "feel like home here" and I use it to vent out some feelings or thoughts I keep nagging my overloaded head about. This is like an extern harddisc to ease the pressure a bit - so my head won't crash and leave me as a shrewd. It probably won't - but we never know, do we? ¬¬ ahehe.

Well, I'll keep writing this rant anyway!

Wow, only yesterday I had 70 hits on my blog, and that's awesome! I'd never think that any more than ten or something stopped by to show some sympathy for this thing!
But if you were so kind and stopped by and I write something you feel you can relate to (hope you do) then leave a comment, because they make me SO happy, and a positive comment can actually make my day! Of course I am happy to get critical critique, too. I've heard from many that they have problems commenting, I don't know why this is, but that's unfurtunate! Does anyone know why this might be? That some can comment while others can't? (if you can't leave a comment, then.... tell me in person! :) )

And if you have any subjects I can "discuss with myself"(yes, schizophrenic tendenses *points at self*) then please, tell me! ^^



Song of the day : Pressure by Paramore

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Haunted House.

I believe my house is haunted. No, I don't just even believe it, in some ways I know it. But I just don't know how to sum all the things that has happened up into a reasonable pile of proof to seem sane, if you understand me?

There's this thing for instance - a half a year ago, my brother was about to leaving the house because he was (obviously) going out (he was alone home), and just as he'd locked the door and taken a few steps away from the house, there was a sound of the doorhandle moving, so he turned around - and he saw the doorhandle slowly rising into its previous state - meaning someone or something pressed it down. That. Is. Creepy.
Then there's the hallways, where you always have the feeling of being glared at, which I feel now as I sit in the kitchen area. The floorboards creak like crazy until I stare at them and say "stop it," (I know, I sound so f***ings insane, but what's a girl to do?) and what do you think? Yes, they stop! They're entirely quiet until I turn my gaze back to the laptop, and then they start squeaking again!
It. Is. Not. Funny.
 
Have you experienced similar things? 
Do you believe in ghosts?  

Song of the day: Hope There's Someone by Antony And the Johnsons.

Woop Woop from a freaked out girl.

summer feeling.

You know that feeling you get when a song you wanted to be played is suddenly played on the radio? Or the feeling of succeeding on a test you didn't practice a lot on beforehand to. Or the nice surprise of a day off or something coming up that you hadn't planned - which makes everything you planned that much better.

It's summer. It's the feeling of taking off your shoes and feel the fresh grass between your toes, eating ice cream in the humid air with sunglasses on and friends around, sticking your head out of a car window on a summery day and laughing with no apparent reason other than happiness. I like the word happiness. It is so fulfilled and descriptive and .. perfect.




Happiness to me is doing something you hadn't planned.
Planning means expectations, expectations means false hope, false hope means disappointments, so to put it like this - planning means getting disappointed.






Other than my (almost) daily rambling I'll add that.. I've gotten bangs! (Yes, omgomg). Oh well, I wasn't supposed to cut it like that, but my hairdresser and I talked vaguely about the next appointment, and I asked her if my face was too round to fit bangs, and she turned around with scissors in hand and said with a smile, "well no, wanna try it now?" After I had gotten over the first shock I agreed with doubtful eyes and cut, cut, cut, I got bangs for the first time of my life(as far as I can recall). It's strange.., I always feel like there's something in my face(well yeah, there is in a way) and try to get it away. I just have to get used to it.
So, perhaps it's a part of achieving happiness to get bangs? Doing something nonplanned? Haha, I dunno, well I guess I like it!

I can see that I write a lot about weather, but since it's mostly weather, music and friends that control my mood then, yeah, I'll write about weather!



Song of the day: Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles.

What is your summer feeling?
Do you have or had bangs?


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Astrology revelations.

I went to a bookstore today with a couple of friends, and found a book about astrology. I've always had a soft spot for "supernatural" things, and well.., I don't think astrology can be seen as science. Well, anyway, so I sat down and red some pages (the ones about Leo's - my sign) and realized that some of the areas fitted quite well, like "always knowing better than others" oh, how I recognized myself in that one. How many "I know I am right" discussions haven't I had? Countless - and in many of those I turned out to be the mistaken one. Yeap, sucks.


Isn't the Lion a mighty animal? Surely the finest!

Then next was to be creative, and I like to see myself as a little creative - but I guess we all do? Anywho. Then came the "must have system and structure in her life," and I said wait a minute! Rewind that! System? Structure? No, no, no! I like neither! I like it better with no system whatsoever - if it's possible! Am I a non-standard Leo, or is it that not all of the describing words are supposed to fit? And if not, how dependable are these books and their "knowledge"? Do we only accept them because they tell us some positive words about ourselves and our kind? I think I'll dig some more in this - I'll be back with more information. Possibly.





I just wanted to add that Lion King is one of my favorite movies, and remember so very clearly the first time I saw it, and almost clawed the TV to pieces in agony when the words "long.. live.. the... king" were whispered from one lion to another. God, Disney can be so cruel.



What do you think of astrology?
What sign are you, and what is "typical" for it? Does it fit you?
What do you think of The Lion King? *Sobs*


Song of the day: I Just Can't Wait To Be King from The Lion King.


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Lullaby of The Rain.

I always see myself as a child of the sun - all else is depressing and useless (yeah, I know rain is quiiite necessary, duh), but sometimes, nothing feels better than the sound of rain thrumming against your window, and the feel of a blanket tucked around your body. It is so comforting, and you feel so in your own world, because the rain keeps you away from the real one - telling you nothing matters, nothing but you and your thoughts. Isn't it a nice thought?


Also, when it rains, walking outside alone, just thinking about this and that... I don't know what word to describe the feeling.. it is unique. No other weather or place or person can evoke such awakening of the mind. Rain leaves me sentimental but at the same time relieved in some way - getting a way to let many feelings out - feelings I perhaps didn't even know I held. Maybe that's why I claim I don't like rain? I don't like the insight I get in myself, because it's not always what I would like it to be?



Song of the day: Kiss the Rain by Yiruma.

What do you think of rain?
What is your favorite weather?

Move like a dancer.

Last week, I saw the movie Billy Elliot for the first time - yes I know, it's a movie you're supposed to have seen a long time ago, oh well.


When it comes to grace I feel like Billy in the beginning of the film - like a sturdy boxer amongst dancers. Dang it.

Seeing all the children dancing ballet made me wonder. Why have I never even thought about dancing ballet? I mean, as a child, why weren't I one of those standing there in white tutu's, dancing with straight legs and performing cou-de-pied's and pas de bourrée's?

I was always the boyish girl, playing in dirt and making mud pies, catching bugs and all else that could crawl. I was the one to wear boy skates and always catch bruises - coming home with torn pants. Of course I wasn't one to dance ballet, I wasn't a sissy. That's what I thought of ballet - and all other dancing for that matter. Now, I kind of regret. I believe everyone has something to learn from structured dance lessons, as we learn how to move our bodies, making our movements more gracious and harmonic. I always feel crappy seeing a dancer walk by, because you can see that in every movement he or she makes, through every thoughtless move of a limb, they are in perfect control.



I've decided that I will try to persuade my children (If I'll ever become a mother) that they should at least try dancing, because liking it, and mastering it - in my eyes - is a blessing.

Song Of The Day: Dance Dance Dance by Lykke Li.

What do you think?
Do you dance?
Have you seen Billy Elliot?


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Friendship on Ice.

I hate it when I feel friendships slip away from me - if it's been a great friendship it's like having a rug pulled away from under your feet. Your life looses balance a little while. I hate it because mostly, I cannot control it. I don't like it when there's something I cannot control. It's like seeing someone standing on a cliff, looking down the hill, my body feels like jell-O and I want to tear them away from the edge. Friends slipping away from you is not as easy to force back as a person on an edge, darn it.



A former best friend I had in second grade and I always used to say bestfriends for ever, at least for a while, and I know we were right. At least on my behalf. I don't think I can ever keep a bestfriend my whole life - I'm sixteen and I've had, what, eight or nine? And I stopped with the bestfriend stupidity in nineth grade. Friends aren't supposed to be favourized(in my opinion), they all stand for different values and different interests, and stand for different sides of yourself. Why waste many friends to have to just have one close friend? The more the merrier, and the more you learn about yourself.

One day the paths will part.

But then again, through life, we grow, make new experiences and gain new wisdom. We grow apart every day passing by, in one way or another, and it goes by so slowly that one day you stand there and wonder when it all happened - when now became then, and what you've taken for granted turn to dust as you turn it over. That day,as the rug is pulled away, and the house of cards shatter, that's a hard day to face. When you suddenly realize that you no longer can trust a friend or have anything you want to share with it, because you have no shared interests. It's just sticking together for the friendship you had.

I believe that different friends are important in dfferent stages of life, and perhaps not someone you are supposed to keep your whole life.

Meeting friends you once had on the street is always a strange encounter. Some you nod at, and smile a forced smile. Some you stop and chat with because you actually miss them, but some you walk straight past. People you in some stage of your life have imagined some of the most important to you, suddenly become strangers? I know I have a few of those. Is it only me losing friends on a quite regular basis, but at the same time gaining new ones?

I have the feeling like someone is toeing the rug I stand on as I write, and I know it'll get pulled away any time soon, and all the dust we've been hiding underneath it for so long will come spiralling up towards me - I just don't know from which direction it'll disappear.


(picture taken by my sis.)

What do you think? Best friend or great friends?
Have you lost great friends?
Do you have a bestfriend, and if yes, how long have you been bestfriends?


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